The constant guilt us mothers are put through!
As a mother you spend a lot of your working day guessing what your baby is trying to tell you. With Peanut, everything in sight that she wants is Baba. Everything out of sight that she wants is Baba, I’m Baba, Daddy is Baba and, well, you get the picture. Nobody’s got the foggiest idea what Baba is but you have to just guess until you get it right. You could say parenthood is all trial and error but heaven forbid you should mention that to a professional who then looks at you as if you’ve really not got a clue (yep, that has happened and no, she wasn’t met with a smile the next time I saw her). So when your little monkey starts with the red cheeks, runny nose and generally being unsettled the first thing you think of is teeth. Peanut has been on and off with her teething and although sometimes it seems like it’s a never-ending cycle of happy baby/mardy little madam baby, she’s done pretty well. However, this week has been a wakeup call and a lesson in how helpless my little girl really is.
A few weeks ago the teething symptoms started up and to be honest, they probably were down to nasty gnashers pushing through again. On the rare occasion that I could get my digits in her mouth and have a good feel around there were hard lumps that felt like ‘big ones’ so like any mum I’d sit there giving my girl cuddles and making her feel a bit better in the best way I knew how. But when nothing came through, her symptoms started getting worse and she stopped eating or having her milk I started to question whether she was actually ill instead. You can take all the advice you want but a mothers instinct is what really counts and after a day or two more of an irritable Peanut enough was enough. A measle-ish rash appeared all over her body and immediately off to the hospital we went.
‘The reason your baby has a rash is because she’s fighting a virus. I can’t tell you what virus it is as there are far too many going around, but she’s on her way to getting better now. Not to worry.’ Excuse you Mr Medical professional? Not to worry? I’m a mum, that’s exactly what I do! As well as the immense sympathy I felt for my poorly little miss there was an overwhelming wave of guilt that came over me... and it’s still hanging around. It doesn’t matter how many people tell you that you weren’t to know and that because your baby can’t tell you what’s wrong then how are you MEANT to know; you still feel as though it’s your fault that they’re laid there hugging their favourite blanket with sunken eyes a sad expression. So when she looked like she felt up to it (again, another guess) I took her out to buy her a ‘sorry for being a crap mum’ toy. Ok, I know I’m not a crap mum, as far as mums go and from what you see/hear/read in the news I’m pretty awesome. She picked a dolly and now it’s a bit of a game when bedtime comes around as dolly gets cuddles and proper kisses goodnight before Peanut nods off herself.
At the risk of this becoming a bit of a downer the positive came soon after Peanut started feeling better – as they normally do. She’s not one to let being a bit ill get her down and did the complete opposite instead. My little girl found her feet and took a few steps! She’s starting to get her confidence up a bit now and soon she’ll be off. So there... take that virus!
I do remember when my son was younger everytime I got cross with him because he was badly behaved it would so often turn out the next day we would come down with something ...The guilt was terrible!!