Sarah can't rant at Mr A so poor Henry gets it! ;)
I always thought that one of the benefits of being pregnant is that you wouldn't have to deal with the awful mood swings that you get with PMT... I couldn't have been more wrong. I'm not sure if my bad mood is because of the pregnancy or because of the past few days but my mood is a touch grumpy to say the least. The last blog I wrote on Saturday morning, and I had a good cry afterwards and felt a bit miserable. I put this down to being tired as I was out at a ball the night before and didnt get to sleep till very late. I spent the day cleaning and generally pottering around.
Then Sunday morning I woke up and had a nice cup of tea in bed with the dog like I usually do and in my usual way I checked/stalked Mr.A on various social networking sites (dont judge me). When I wrote the 1st blog took him off my FB friends lists and blocked him on Twitter, however I could still see his Tweets. He posted one up a couple of weeks ago about how much he was enjoying spending time with family & babies which actually made my blood boil, but I'd calmed down since then. However he posted another tweet up about how he'd been on a long car journey with a friend, and named the friend, the previous night. I had a feeling in the back of my mind that Mr A would leave Lincoln soon, he'd been talking about finding somewhere else that would be better for his career while we were going out and I think the expectation was for me to join him in this new place if we were still together further down the line (apparently my job wasnt as important even though I earn more!). Tweeting that he was going on 12 hour car journeys only confirmed to me that he was looking for a new place to live.. and obviously quite far away. I could be jumping the gun here, putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with 38 but I am pregnant and recently been dumped so I'm allowed! So I stewed on this latest snippet of information that had been casually thrown my way, tried not to feel angry about not being kept in the loop and decided for my own sanity to take the dog out and visit my mum as a distraction.... And distracted I was.
It was absolutely boiling on Sunday... Touching 30 degrees.. And on my walk I saw a young lady wearing 80 denier opaque tights! I'm still in shock about it now... I thought about her all on my dog walk, wondering about how she wasn't passing out from the heat, or the various bacterial infections she was inviting, while I was melting in my summer dress and flip flops when I bumped into the friend from Mr.A's tweet. You honestly can't make my life up right now!The Friend lives between my house and my mums and there's a dog park in between so I guess bumping into him was inevitable. I saw Friends Wife first and probably the most awkward conversation that I've ever had in my life followed. There was various bits of small talk then I stupidly asked how Mr A was. Friends Wife said that he wasn't good, still in shock to which I replied well we all are and I hope he was ok and that there were no hard feelings, then added well not too many. Friend then appeared, more small talk, then Friend said that he'd barely seen him, just the odd text about cricket and that was it. You big bloody fibber I thought, he tweeted yesterday that you spent 12 hours in the car together while you helped plot his escape from his bloody responsibilities. Before my big mouth let something slip though I got away from them quickly and fled to my mums. By the time I got to my mums 10 minutes later I was quietly seething. My poor mum! She's teaching me how to sew and all she heard for the next two hours on her Sunday afternoon was me swearing around her house, taking my mood out on the fabric. We met up with my sister and we took our dogs for a good walk and even the sight of 3 dogs jumping in and out of streams to cool themselves down couldn't cheer me up. Then my dog decided to be naughty and the air in Lincolnshire suddenly turned blue. That broke me. I ranted at the dog, I ranted at my family and I stormed off home. I got home and I sat on my sofa and the past few weeks came crashing down on me. I wanted to cry my eyes out but I couldn't as I was so angry and I just sat and felt so sorry for myself and wondered how I got myself into this mess and how I was going to cope being a single mum. It's a good job you can't drink when you're pregnant as that would have been the point where'd I'd have hit the vino, instead I went to bed.I woke up on Monday and had to go back to work and it couldn't have come at a better time. Brilliant to have the distraction from my own head and when I got the chance to talk to my sister about it at lunchtime, I checked twitter again and Mr. A had turned all his privacy settings on and I can't see them anymore. What a relief! I now can't torture myself with what he's up to or find out that's he moved to Timbuktoo and that I've managed to drive another man away, and I feel so much better for it. Even though it feels as though Mr.A has taken another step to show he wants nothing to do with me and the baby I think it's for the best, for my own sanity more than anything!
So then I'm in a great mood again for a couple of days. Works been fun and I've happily been looking at pushchairs and Moses baskets (they look so unsafe) and I've been upbeat.Then my 1st midwife appointment was today and tumbling down my mood goes again. An hour long appointment basically covering more admin and answering lots of questions, when it got to the Fathers family history though I was a bit stumped, and embarrassed and then angry again. I don't really know much as we weren't together that long and I didn't met his family. I'm hoping that if there was anything I should know he would have told me as I'm certainly not getting in touch with him but then he's hardly proved himself to be responsible!On the upside though I totally love my midwife, she's lovely. Do you ever get a horrible midwife? I could have hugged her, shedidnt judge me and was very understanding about it. She's seen much worse I guess. She used to work in Camden and I fished to see if she'd delivered any famous babies, and she had dealt with someone that was on GMTV once - she's now my midwife to the stars! The other great thing about this week was I got a maternity bra from Mummy and Little Me and even though I'm at 11 weeks my boobs have never been so comfortable! I may never take it off! So up and down my mood goes this week and like I say, it could be the pregnancy or it could be justified, I'm not sure. The only thing I know that the one person I want to shout and scream at and take it out on I'm not going to be able to.