Our first wedding blog

11 months of planning what people tell me is the biggest day of my life saw me experience a whole load of things that I’ll probably never endure again. Picking and writing a list of the people that mean the most to you in the whole world and seeing each and every one sat around you. Hand making and crafting every decoration, every invitation and every gift for your guests. Amassing a playlist that’ll tell the story of how you met, how you fell in love and how you came to this point in your life. Building up to that one day where I was prepared for stress, prepared for tears and most importantly, prepared to watch my life change – big time. Well, it certainly lived up to its expectations!

Our wedding day was, in a word, perfect. Absolutely nothing went wrong and despite lots of friends that have gotten married telling me their own stories, I decided that I was destined to wobble my way down the aisle in floods of tears to Peanuts Daddy, but it wasn’t the case. I loved the anticipation and as one family member told me – I sprinted! I know I did, I had the dude of my dreams waiting for me to become his wife and to be honest I didn’t want to wait another second. But the star of the show was Peanut herself… answering the registrar’s questions for her Mum and Dad on cue, sitting like a little angel and behaving herself so well with a crunchy cracker in hand. She even popped over mid signing of the register for a cheeky photo and a cuddle. It’s hard to recall everything that happened on the day because it all just goes so fast, but when our photographs come through it’ll all come flooding back to me.

So the honeymoon came next and as well as being the reason that I’ve not written a blog post for a fair few weeks, its also the reason why I am so in love with my little girl all over again. 2 weeks away from her has been a test but it’s also been a deserved rest that Peanuts Daddy and I really, REALLY needed. We enjoyed a fortnight in the sunshine of Mexico’s Riviera Maya and it was something that we were really looking forward to. I felt a bit guilty and like a terrible, horrible fiancé thinking to myself that I was looking forward to the break more than the wedding… well, that was until Peanuts Daddy said it out loud for himself. But as it happens, we’re having withdrawal symptoms and missing our wedding day so much more than the holiday now.

We dropped Peanut off at her Grandparents house and after being forcefully removed from the house and my girl I started with the tears – the first tears of the wedding experience! What on earth was I doing?! Who leaves their child for two weeks to fly to the other side of the glove to go on a jolly and doesn’t take them along? In my mind I was the worst mother in the world, I didn’t deserve such a lovely little girl and I absolutely should have taken her with me. But as the travelling started the guilt gently wore off and I started to settle into a state of relaxation. While we were sunning ourselves on the beaches with a Mojito in hand Peanut was having the time of her life – being spoilt by ‘Mamar and Grrda’ and she calls them; new toys to play with, trips out where she could run around and tire herself out, and a fair few more white chocolate buttons than she’d get at home. You could say she was on her holidays too.

After 2 weeks we were ready for home and truth be told, we were gagging to get back to Peanut and have a cuddle. We were a bit apprehensive about her reaction due to the fact that last time Peanuts Daddy was working away for an extended period, she screamed her head off and cried hysterically when she saw him again – I was bracing myself for an immensely emotional and guilt-ridden reunion but, again, it was far from what I was greeted with. Peanut saw us get out of the car while she was playing outside and as soon as she clocked us, she started flapping, pacing forwards and backwards, spinning like a One Direction superfan and then she realised it was us. The cuddle and kisses that followed are ones I will never ever forget.

So back to normality and Peanut is settled back into her bed and in her regular routine, things are great at home and she’s not surprised us with any new and naughty habits picked up while we were away. The only negative to come from leaving a toddler for an extended amount of time is that she’s a bit clingier than she was. I can’t help thinking that she’s scared we’re going to leave her again. I know that if we had left the honeymoon later then we would have had a harder time leaving her and she’d have had trouble settling with those looking after her; this is helping me release that inner guilt a bit.

But sometimes you have to think about yourself and this is something that my time away from Peanut has taught me. It’s too easy to immerse yourself in your baby bubble, never escape and let it take over who you are as a person and yes, there’s nothing wrong with that. But I have always been like my mum in the sense that I am a mother, I’m proud of my daughter and I love her more than life itself – but I am also Sammy and I owe it to Peanut to be me too and that does mean I have to take time for myself every now and then. I think every mother owes it to herself to have a break from time to time… maybe don’t fly to Mexico for it though; that’s a bit extreme.

Samantha Hallett

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