Giving up Alchohol when pregnant is hard, but caffeine is harder it turns out!
Friday, 16 August 2013 | Admin
I hate weekends. I can't believe I've just said that but I do. I can't stand them. I used to live for my weekends, I used to be booked out months in advance, they used to be full of red wine, meals out, nightclubs and gigs, weekends away and day trips, friends and lots of fun.
Nowadays it's clean the house, do the shopping, walk the dog.... And that's it! I wake up early and hangover free on a Saturday morning and there are two long days yawning ahead of me and I wonder what on earth I'm going to do with myself. Of course I have to clean now I've let my wonderful cleaner go (Mr A's fault) so what took her two hours I've managed to stretch into five - she obviously didn't stop for Candy Crush or Fraiser breaks like I do - and the dog gets his walks and I get some food in and that basically takes me up to 3 o'clock on a Saturday. After that I'm at a bit of a loss. I notice that my invites out have dried up now that I can't drink so I potter around at home thinking. Thinking about everything that's happened and planning for the future and I get myself worked into a state. By 6 o'clock I'm in a foul mood. Sunday's I wake up, all my jobs are done and the mood gets worse. This weekend it was really bad. I worked myself in the darkest mood. Really bleak it was. I actually depressed myself. I got sick of my own company. My mum gave me an article to read about single parents written by a women that was in a very similar situation to me except she was a lot cooler (the guy that ditched her was a rock star) and it was a very positive article except she mentioned how lonely the life of a single parent is. I thought that's me now, I'm lonely before the babies even got here. So down further my mood went.
I woke up on Monday and I had the worst headache of my life. It hurt to walk, I couldnt touch my head without it aching, I thought it was because I'd been so down all weekend, so I went into work. By 10am my head was pounding, I went to the toilets and started retching, I brought up blood I retched so much so I was obviously sent home. I lay on the sofa, cuddled up with Henry, closed all the blinds and slept. I woke up and felt a bit better, the head had eased so I thought I'd put a film on. I choose Beaches, you know the one where Bette Midlers best friend dies, the best friend who's a single mother so she has to look after the daughter. That cheered me up no end. Thats a lie, I cried my eyes out. Who will look after my daughter if I die, I thought, my best friend can't have her, she's a rubbish singer!