Can you walk your dog as much with a new baby?
One of my favourite things about being pregnant, apart from all the swoops and flips in my tummy, is all the stuff you get and need. At first it totally freaked me out how much I needed, one of the pregnancy books I have gave me a handy list, the list was so long and scary that I promptly shut the book and it's still yet to be reopened. However as time has gone on and I've been picking up bits and bobs, I have felt brave enough to retrieve the list and it's starting to look achievable. This is basically down the two things, one is my amazing, generous friends and family, the other is Aldi.
God I love Aldi, I would never have gone in there if I hadn't got pregnant and now I look for reasons to go. The middle aisle is the best bit, where they will have loads of random offers, one bin will be full of calamari and the one next to it is full of High Vis vests. You see old Grannys picking up hob nailed boots and wondering if they should buy them as they are only £3.99. Its hilarious. Usually there's quite a few things for kids and I find myself stocking up on baby wipes and moisturiser. Tick tick off the list. They'll have nappies or baby food, they aren't on the list so I'm holding off on getting these. Today though was wonderful, they had all sorts and I bagged myself a Steriliser, bottles, dummies and bottle brush. Tick, tick, tick and tick.
My love affair with Aldi aside, my friends and family have been unbelievably generous and kind. The good thing about having a baby later on in life is that I'm one of the last in my circle of friends to have one. Although most of my friends have had them fairly late, their youngest ones are all about 2 or 3, which I have to admit works in my favour. A good friend came to visit last week and brought with her all the stuff she didn't need anymore. My friend seems to be a bit of a hoarder as there was bags and bags of baby clothes, bedding, maternity wear, sleep bags thingys, socks, mittens, hats, she even brought her old maternity knickers! She also brought with her a Moses basket, a baby bath, a chair to put the baby on in the bath, something to hang off the door frame which bounces the baby, a sling to put the baby in which is brilliant for when I'm walking to dog apparently. Just loads of stuff. Another friend of mine lives in Berlin and works for a pharmaceutical company and he sent a huge box over full of bottles, teething rings, dummies, a breast pump, spoons, bowls, nipple covers, toys and even some chocolate for me. I know my mum is buying lots of things too that she thinks I may need and has a whole baby box full of essentials. My sister keeps giving me packs of muslins and little outfits she's bought, even my Dad who I haven't spoken to in years has called to check that I'm ok for everything. I'm off to see another friend in a few weeks to see what I can blag off her, there are rumours of a car seat going spare, I can't wait. My house is starting the resemble Boxing Day, after you've had all the presents then are told by your parents to tidy up so all the toys get shoved into a pile in the corner of the room. In half the rooms in my house there is a little corner of baby things steadily growing and the list definitely is getting shorter. Everyone has been so kind, and I feel really grateful and lucky to have such nice people in my life. I have to admit I did throw the maternity knickers in the bin though!
My least favourite thing about being pregnant is knowing that my life is about to change. It's changed a lot already and most of it I don't even care about. There is one thing that I won't be able to do anymore though and I'm finding it upsetting. Every morning I get up early and I take Henry to the common for his walk. I take a ball, the "chucker" and some treats and we have a 45 minute walk, through the long grass and avoiding the piles of horse poo, and I watch the sun come up while Henry chases the ball and acts like an idiot, wagging his tail the whole time. Sometimes my sister joins me with her dog and we'll chat about work, or the gym, or Geordie Shore and it's just the perfect way to wake up and start the day. Now that the mornings are drawing in, it'll be too dark to go there and Henry will have a street walk which is nowhere near as much fun, then the baby will be here and that's it. No more morning walk for me and my boy. I can't tell you how much I'll miss that. I don't mind that I'll never have another night out again, or a full 8 hours sleep, or even that I'll be buying my clothes from Primark for the unforeseen future but my morning walk with the dog is something I really love and I'm sorry to see it go. I still have the last text Mr A sent me and in it he says that he "can't see a future where he can be part of this" and I think about his unwillingness to even consider changing his daily routine to try to make it easier for me, the baby, or even the dog and I have to say it makes me a little bit mad. (gross understatement).
I bumped into one of Mr A's friends the other day and they were so lovely and nice to me, I didn't ask too much about him but they told me he was still here in Lincoln, living just 3 miles down the road and I'm guessing happily getting on with his life.
This afternoon I was out in the garden, mowing the lawn, 5 and a half months pregnant and pushing the Flymo round my garden, bashing it into my bump every time I pulled it towards me and growing steadily angrier and angrier and I thought "This is how you could have been a part of it, you could just come along and help me with the odd job I can't do, or it's uncomfortable to do, so I don't have to do it or can get on with doing something else. You could have helped me move drawers out of the nursery instead of me having to ask some one to do it. Or you could have given me just an hour out of your evening, to look after your child so that the dog can have a walk." I got quite riled, got out the trimmer and took it my anger out on some weeds that were growing out of control.
Then I remembered that Henry will still have his lunchtime walk, and will also have sleepless nights so that's probably all he'll need. That winters coming so the garden won't need doing as much and when it does again I won't be pregnant. That there of plenty of women doing all this on their own, and some of them actually have a partner. But most of all I remembered that this was my choice, I didn't have to go through with it, that this is what I wanted and that I've got some wonderful family and friends to see me through it.
Also my garden is really only very small and to just stop whining and get on with it.