Where's my Piggy Bank?
What an amazing week I've had. I wrote the last blog and it felt really good to write down everything that had happened recently. After it went onto the Mummy & Little Me website I posted it onto my Facebook & Twitter and the response was wonderful. Everyone has just been so lovely, I've had messages from people I know and don't know sharing their stories with me. I felt thoroughly supported and like the decision I'd made wasn't as selfish as I was beginning to think it was.
Everyone who's spoken to me can totally understand why I'm doing it, and most people have told me that it would have been their choice too. Makes me wonder why it wasn't Mr A's?
So after all that excitement it was back to the normal life. I had my first doctors appointment on Thursday. I decided to go on my own to this one. I keep thinking that I'll try to do as much as possible on my own as I don't want to put too much on my family (after all I will need them a lot more further down the line). Also because I seem to have broken out in loads of spots recently (not sure if that's the pregnancy or the lovely warm weather) and I didn't want to look like some poor knocked up young girl at the doctors with her mum. (if only I looked as young as that). Anyway I went in to see the doctor and it was the same one who prescribed me the pill all those many weeks ago and we had a bit of chuckle about the whole thing, she took my blood pressure and that was that. I was a bit disappointed to be honest. I don't know what I was expecting but I thought that when you went to the doctors when you're pregnant that's when you were initiated into the secret club that I thought mums-to-be were in. I thought she'd show me the handshake and hand over the free piggy bank in the shape of a baby! Apparently not, I just got a pat on the back and a midwives appointment for next week!
So it was pretty much business as usual. I've had this week off work so I'm trying to start getting my life in order. Obviously this pregnancy was totally unplanned and my finances are in the usual shambles that they tend to be in so I'm looking at ways to cut back. I took my first trip to Aldi, which wasn't bad at all, the dog has been transferred onto the cheap food (poor Henry) but I had to go and speak to the cleaner and tell her not to come anymore which broke my heart as she's so nice (I'm blaming Mr A for this). I gave her a present and she gave me a hug and then I went home and spent half and hour working out how to use the Hoover! Pregnancy has a steep learning curve.
I've also spent quite a bit of time with my niece and nephew, I'm their favourite person at the moment. I think they are a bit worried as they keep saying I won't give them as much attention when the baby gets here. So I took them for ice cream where they preceded to ask all about Mr A and if we were still together and why we weren't. That was fun. Then I took them swimming where, in the changing room, they stood and stared at me when I got changed and asked questions about my boobs which is funny now but at the time a touch embarrassing. A long conversation then ensued about my body changing and feeding babies etc where some of the other women in the changing room joined in. I was then given lots of advice and tips on what bubble bath to use after the birth to sooth me "down there" - my mum winked at me and said "you're in the club now" - "Where's my sodding piggy bank then?" I thought.
Of course all this wonderful advice dropped out of my head the millisecond it got in there as my brain has turned into a sieve and I can barely remember my own name never mind anything else. I turned up to an appointment an hour late this week and stood for 20 minutes staring at birthday cards while I couldn't work out how old my 2 year old god daughter was then took another 20 minutes to remember how to spell her name. I'm refusing to use the term "Baby Brain" as having had lots of girlfriends and colleagues that have been pregnant I know how annoying it can be! So I'm writing as much as possible down so I don't forget it. I'm determined to get through this pregnancy as organised and moan-free as possible. Famous last words!
So in all this organising I noticed I've got a midwife appointment next week (to pick up the piggy bank no doubt) then my 12 week scan the following week and another midwife appointment the next day? Is that right? It seems like a lot of appointments?
I can not wait for the scan though, I'm so excited. More than anything I want to check its still there as I feel so good I'm starting to feel like a fraud! My head is a repeating a constant mantra begging the little blob to be ok and to just stay where it is. There's an under lying fear that something is going to go horribly wrong and I'll be left with just me and the dog again. I guess this is the part where having a partner would be handy, someone to lean on and to calm those fears down. Someone to be the reassuring rock that I need when my imagination goes a bit bonkers. Someone to do all the research I can't face and find out what brand of Bugaboo Kate Middleton has got and how much its going for on eBay. Do you think that if Mr A knew that's all he had to do there would have been a chance he'd have stuck around? I think probably not.