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Meet Sarah 37 years old, 10 weeks pregnant and going it alone

8 CommentsTuesday, 2 July 2013  | 

My name is Sarah, I’m 37 and never really had a proper boyfriend, not a long term one anyway. I was always off having fun and I'm also a bit rubbish with men. It's always been much easier to be on my own and to be honest I didn’t have enough self confidence to be in a relationship. I was always happier with my female or gay male friends - total cliché!
Anyway I moved out of London a couple of years ago, out to sleepy Lincoln where my mum & sister live, got myself a dog and life calmed down an awful lot. I lost a bit of weight and my confidence started to grow so I signed myself up on one of the Internet dating sites and started going out on dates to see if I could get myself a boyfriend finally. They were all awful, either boring or lecherous and after about 6 or 7 horrific dates I decided to give it a bit of a rest for a while but had one last date to go on. So on the first May Bank Holiday weekend I went out for ice cream with Mr. A
I remember seeing him and heaving a huge sigh or relief. He seemed really nice and wasn't offensive to look at! We went for ice cream, then wine, then out for dinner with more wine. He walked me home and I invited him in for even more wine. We had a fab time. I woke up in the morning and thought he was great. By this point we'd had unprotected sex and we had it again in the morning. I did say that I wasn't on the pill but we were a bit swept up in it all. We went out again on the Monday and again we had a lovely time, we seemed to really get on, and even though we're in our mid thirties we were careless again that night.
So the following weekend we met up again, and again we had unprotected sex but this time we put our sensible heads on and took a trip to Boots and we got the morning after pill. I didn't particularly want to take it, I know someone that had a pretty bad experience with it, however I didn't want to ruin the relationship that was growing with an unwanted pregnancy so willingly had it. The weekend after that I went on the pill and we were sensible for the seven days till it kicked in.
I suffer from PMT quite badly, I get lots of aches and pains and the mood swings are just monstrous so I decided to go on the pill that you take all month round and not have a period as it would get rid of the feeling of wanting to kill everyone around me.
A month or so later and the relationship is flourishing. The dogs really taken to him and he's even met my family and I was due to met his. Mr. A is a chef so I'd been eating really well, drinking lots of wine and basically living the good life. I put a belt on and noticed I had to let it out a notch, time to head back to the gym! I'd only done one body combat class since I'd met Mr. A as I was having so much fun, and sex, and noticed in the class that my boobs were sore. They'd been aching quite a bit but I put it down to my body getting used to the pill. But once I hit that treadmill I knew something was wrong. I couldn't run never mind sprint, I've never known agony like it, I thought something was seriously wrong. Before I freaked out completely I thought I'd better take a pregnancy test.
I knew. I knew before I took the test what the outcome was going to be, but when that positive appeared I was still shocked. So shocked I took 4 tests, all with the same outcome. My mum & sister came round and we all talked and I said I wanted it. They are fabulous and said they would support me... Then Mr. A came round.
He knew straight away something was up, mostly because I didn't have a glass of wine in my hand. I told him and he was as stunned as I was. I told him I wanted to keep it and he obviously felt that this was a bad idea. I cried a lot and he decided not to stay the night. We spent the weekend together and we spoke about it more, my main concern was the morning after pill. A friend had taken it and ended up having an ectopic pregnancy and lost a fallopian tube because of it and I dreaded the same thing happening to me. We decided I would go to the doctors and get an early scan to check I was OK and we'd take it from there. He was adamant that he didn't want me to have it and felt that me going through with it would be a bad idea. However the alternative just wasn't an option. After having a termination 10 years previously I knew this was something I couldn't go through again. I knew I would regret it.
Off I popped to the doctors after spending a very strained weekend with Mr. A I broke down to the doctor and I don't think she quite knew what to do with me. She advised me to wait but I blubbed out my concerns and she booked me in for an early scan two days later.
In those two days I cried a lot, I gave all my options some serious thought, my family had already planned my life out for me, Mr. A was expressing how unhappy he was and how much he wanted me to get rid of it and I just wanted to be left alone to work out if this was really something I could do on my own.
I turned up early for my scan. I was the first one of the day and the ward wasn't even open when I got there. I told the nurse everything and she was naturally concerned as my decision wasn't 100% made but I went in and had the scan anyway. They put the jelly on and looked at the screen, they asked if I wanted to see, I said Yes. There it was, sitting exactly where it should be, a weird little 8 week old blob surrounding a tiny beating heart and my mind was made up. That was all I needed.
I got back into the car and I called Mr. A. I told him I was fine & properly pregnant. I said that I was sorry if it made him unhappy but I was going ahead with it after all no one could guarantee that I would get another chance to have a child in the future. I said to take his time to think about what he wants to do and if he wanted to walk away he could and I wouldn't blame him. So off he went to think and I told my family that was it, it was happening.
The next day I got a text from Mr. A asking how I was and telling me how unhappy and worried he was and how much he didn't want to have a child.
I felt guilty and I really cared for him but no matter what I wasn't changing my mind and I was happy with my decision. He replied saying it was a bad idea and he couldn’t see a positive outcome. This is the point where I ran out of sympathy with him, I told him that if he wanted to be involved then maybe he could think about how we could make it work instead of making me feel bad... Or words to that effect.
The next day at work I got a text saying that he couldn't see a future where he could be a part of it. I said that was fine.
I took myself off to the loo and cried again.
That was well over a week ago and I haven't heard a thing from him and I haven't cried since. I watched 2 episodes of Long Lost Family and still haven't cried. I even got a parking ticket and didn't cry!
I feel fantastic, tired & hungry but fantastic. Still slightly shocked by the events of the past two weeks but fantastic.
My first real doctors appointment is this week, I don't know what to expect but my mums offered to come with me.
So this is it, I'm 37 and 10 weeks pregnant and going it alone. I'm going to be a single parent and I couldn't be happier. I have a sneaky feeling that the pregnancy is going to be the easy bit.


Karl
Wednesday, 3 July 2013  |  12:21

Well done Sarah!
You should be very proud as everyone is proud of you.
When you start off as determined and positive about things as you have done you are sure to continue in a good way. Just so very happy for you and wish I could share it with you.
(I have known Sarah for 15 years!) x


Lisa
Thursday, 4 July 2013  |  17:55

Good for you Sarah, it sounds like that precious baby will have all he/she needs in you.
I too am a single Mum, 35 with a beautiful 8month old daughter. I've had a few serious 4-5 year relationships over the years but they were never quite right. Until I started a whirlwind relationship with an old friend, we quickly got engaged, why not we were in love, we then bought a house and I fell pregnant after a year of trying. Just after my 12wk scan he left, he decided he didn't want a baby with me nor did he want to be with me... he's never seen my daughter (his choice) we now only talk through solicitors...
At first I felt over whelmed that I had this enormous job to do and only half the manpower but I quickly realised that it didn't matter one bit... I enjoyed my pregnancy (apart from the last bit, swollen cankle, yes just my left one... Carpel tunnel in my right hand just to make me feel really wonky and hip pain... Aww!) I had an emergency c section which my lovely Mum & best friend we're with me for, I spent the first 3 weeks in a complete happy bubble... I've only had 2 wobbles in 8months (neither anything to do with my ex, strangely I couldn't give a damn about him and have never even cried for him... much more important things in my life!) my first wobble was purely hormonal, body was doing all sorts of new weird things and I fell horrible, the second was a thoughtless comment from someone about what I'm going to tell her when she's older... It shouldn't of upset me but again you're hormones go crazy for months. It just kind of hit me, what the hell was I going to say? I've tried to think of how I'll deal with that topic in the future without 'slagging' him off or lying to protect her. I've still no idea what I'll say exactly but as long as she has me, my Mum, sisters and lots of friends around to make her feel loved, safe & secure, I know we'll deal with it.
I wouldn't have chosen to be a single parent but I can honestly say, I love it! I know we'll be so close, she's already the best little friend I've ever had. Once you look in your baby's eyes for the first time, you'll know exactly what I mean x
My thoughts and best wishes to you and for the safe arrival of your baby x


Ady
Thursday, 4 July 2013  |  18:32

Bloody hell - where do I start!
I am so very proud of you and know that without doubt you will make a wonderful mother. You are always so kind, caring and lots of fun.
Of course you writing this blog, just shows what a star you are and I hope that others in your situation read this and take heart that a happy mother is better than unhappy parent just staying together because they think they should.
If you need anything just shout.
Love and best wishes. xx


Tania
Friday, 5 July 2013  |  8:18

Yaaaay! You are having a baby! So happy for you! I am sure u will be an amazing mummy, your little bundle of joy is so lucky to be arriving into an environment full of love. Enjoy the ride and really looking forward to sharing your wondrous journey.


Tina
Friday, 5 July 2013  |  19:33

Hi Sarah, we met several years back on a beach in Belize :) so great to read this and appreciate you bravely sharing this experience! You will love being a mom more than anything! Please keep sharing as you will be so happy you kept track of this crazy time! Best to you- Tina


Sophie Garratt
Monday, 8 July 2013  |  15:16

Sarah,
I love your blog. It is very emotional and I admire your fighting spirit. I think it's fabulous you have lots of support around you will as it will make it easier for you.
I think this baby will do you the world of good and he/she will be lucky to have your love and you as their Mum.
I loved reading your blog and I know we haven't always seen eye to eye in the past but want you to know that I am very proud of what you are doing. Look forward to reading your pregnancy stages!!! Ha you can get us Lumb's back!!!
Love Sophie xx


Paula
Monday, 8 July 2013  |  19:33

Hey Sarah
What a great blog - you have written a fab story ! I think its brilliant news for you and I am delighted for you - you have a lovely family to support you and whilst it will be tough its an enjoyable time ! Any help you need we are all here for you (including licks from Betty and Beryl)
Big hugs Sarah
Love Pxxxx


Nina
Tuesday, 9 July 2013  |  21:51

Congratulations on your new journey Sarah you are about to experience an amazing turn in life which you never look back! The greatest gift you have has a person is strength and your baby is so lucky to have a strong, determined mom ! Your family and friends will get you through the tough times and be there to share the happy times enjoy your new journey xx