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Everyone can see Sarah is Pregnant!

Monday, 30 September 2013  | 

I'm pregnant. The reason I know I'm pregnant is because every time I walk into a room I hear someone say "wow Sarah, you're pregnant" even if that person saw me yesterday, or last week, or is a relation, that's still the first thing they say. It's like it's suddenly dawning on everyone that I'm having a baby. In fairness it's starting to sink in with me as well now, but it's taken about 3 or 4 months for us all to work it out. I think the reason it's dawning on us this past week or so is that I suddenly look very pregnant. A good friend of mine, who I haven't seen since I first found out, was joking about the size of my tummy. I know lots of people record their pregnancy in different ways, some people measure themselves every week, while others get their partners to take pictures to show how much they're growing but I have this blog and thats my way of recording it and I also don't have a partner to take pictures of me (get your violins out!) so there is no visual record of me getting bigger. So when my friend asked about my big tummy I decided to take a "selfie" and send it to him. His response was one of shock, like he'd only just realised that I was pregnant, he knew I was but seeing how big my stomach has grown in the few months since he'd seen me suddenly made it very real. He showed his boyfriend and he called me with the same reaction, and my best friend when I sent the picture to her. So I'm definitely now pregnant as they all said "Wow Sarah, you're pregnant" which confirms it.
Now that my bump is getting so much bigger I can feel the changes in my body. My breathing is starting to get heavier, I'm trying not to let this happen but it just does. I puff out all the time, suddenly releasing loads of air, not sighing, just puffing all the air out of me. I don't even know why I'm doing it but it feels like a nice relief when I do. When I sit I notice it's easier to sit with legs apart rather than heels together (so unladylike) and I'm making a real conscious effort to walk normally but I can feel that changing too. I really don't want to turn into a waddling, heavily pregnant women but I know it's pointless fighting it because I bet another 10 weeks down the line it's going to be so much more comfortable walking with my feet 30cm apart than with them together, it's probably imperative for balance too!
My sense of smell has also got very acute, I can smell bacon from half a mile away, I feel like a Labrador. My other senses haven't heightened though, just my ability to sniff things out, which isn't really a blessing, more of a curse.
Thrush is playing a big part in my life right now too, I dont think all the swimming helps that, and I had a lovely long chat in Boots with the lady behind the counter about which cream I should be using and if I was able to use a pessary (for the record I didn't feel comfortable with that). I still look like a pimply teenager as well as these spots are not going no matter what I do.
The other thing I've noticed is that my boobs are getting itchy. From what I've been told and read I think this means I'm about to start producing milk. This opens up the whole issue of breast feeding. Before I got pregnant the idea of breast feeding repulsed me. I know I'm not allowed to say that but it did. I don't like anyone touching my boobs, I don't even touch them myself, and the idea of something clamping on to them and sucking milk out made my stomach turn into knots. You know how men react when they hear about someone getting kicked in their sensitive area? Well that's what I was like about breast feeding. Sharp intake of breath and a look of anguish on my face. I'm not saying that other people shouldn't breast feed but for me it was never an option, it was my idea of hell. However... now... Now I find myself scratching my boobs and wondering what it's like to actually produce milk. This week I found myself sat on the sofa, watching Corrie, with my hand on my left breast and trying to squeeze it and massage it and see if anything would come out. Is that normal behaviour? Does every pregnant woman tugged away at their boobs to see if their milk will come or have I just spent too much time on my own? There I was on the sofa, rolling my hands on it, kneading it and willing some liquid to suddenly spring from it and I thought to myself "what the hell am I doing?" I wondered about the other mammals in the animal kingdom and if cows pummel their udders to get the milk flowing, or if gorillas even had breasts. All this while I'm tugging on my left boob, watching Hayley Cropper deal with her terminal cancer, then I remembered the milk I bought from Co-op the day before, it was a 4-Pinter and it was cracked so I had to decant it all into jugs to keep it from spilling everywhere and that made me stop. In case I broke it and suddenly I was leaking milk and couldn't stop and just left a little trickle of it everywhere I went. I think the answer to my question is Yes, I do spend too much time on my own!
This mini milk(!) drama made me realise is that I would, actually like to, if possible, try to breast feed. As I've mentioned before I'm one of the last people I know to have a baby and everyone I speak to about breast feeding has told me what they have done and it turns out no two women are the same. Everyone takes a different option and they are adamant that is the best route so it can be very confusing to decide what to do. There are two things I do know though, the first is that whenever I've fed someone else's newborn baby it's been a huge responsibility and an honour to be able to do so. There is something so special about it and I would like people to feel that with my baby so I've decided at the moment, I'm going to, if possible, do half bottles and half breast. That way, other people i.e. my mother and my sister, can feed the baby and have a bond with it and I can also experience the breast feeding and see if all the pummelling was worth it.
The other thing I know, that I learnt from all the stories I've heard, is that no matter route I take I'll be happy with the decision and it'll work for me.

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