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Will you have more children?

Wednesday, 18 April 2018  | 

2.4 Children?

 

I’d sworn for years that I didn’t want children. There’s quite an age gap between my half-brothers and I (25 years!) so I thought I would get my ‘baby-fix’ from them: I’d be able to do all the fun stuff but without the reality of sleepless nights, vomit, tantrums and nappies. However, I soon realised not long after meeting my now-husband that that wasn’t enough and my biological clock was ticking.

 

We had a whirlwind romance, were married just over a year after we started dating, and soon began to discuss babies. Fast-forward another year and two months and I was pregnant with our little Izzy. My pregnancy had its complications, and I swore I’d never do it again – especially after a pretty harrowing 3-day induction which resulted in morphine-based hallucinations that Usain Bolt was in the room when I was in labour…

 

I continued to swear that Izzy would be my only child (she does have a half-brother and half-sister from hubby’s previous relationship) for quite some time. Last month, however, I decided that perhaps I was changing my mind: I love being a mum, I love my little miss, and I had a nagging feeling I wasn’t quite ‘done’. Cue a rather big dilemma.

 

On the one hand, I wanted Izzy to have a baby brother or sister – she is so caring with little ones (she puts the babies’ dummies back in at nursery if they fall out) and she’d love having a little playmate. I also didn’t want her to be alone if anything ever happened to me; I lost my mum when I was 21 and as her only child I felt quite alone as no one could relate to how I was feeling. Having another baby would also give me a chance to do everything right that I feel like I did wrong with Izzy.

 

On the other hand, however, I wanted Izzy to stay an only child. I questioned my reasons for wanting another baby – were they more for me or for her? Was I being selfish? How much strain would another baby put on our finances and our family? We’d have to start from scratch as we got rid of things like the pram, car seat and crib as soon as she finished with them – at the time, we were firmly in Team One-Baby. Could we cope with more sleepless nights and going back to the start, but with the added bonus of an energetic toddler? I’ve also recently been diagnosed with a form of arthritis and I had to consider the physical aspect too, as it causes pain and fatigue.

 

One night, hubby and I sat down to have ‘the chat’. The more we talked, the more we decided that perhaps just the one child is right for us: we can give Izzy more time, we can share experiences as a family that we wouldn’t be able to afford if we had another baby (travel is my main one – I want her to see the world), and Izzy would have more opportunities and a more comfortable life. She will always have someone too, in the form of her half-brother and half-sister, her cousins, her uncles, and her lovely little friends. Plus I don’t think we could go through the teething process again – it’s worse than the newborn stage!

 

I guess the point of this blog is to share the thought processes I have gone through lately, just in case anyone else is facing the same dilemma. It’s such a difficult decision to make, but at the end of the day you have to do what is right for you, and I know deep down that my little Izzy is just enough for me.

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