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When are you having another baby

Wednesday, 31 January 2018  | 

When are you having another? a simple question it may seem, a question that I have asked many times myself in the past but after 30 years I have finally come to the realisation that it is one that should never be asked.

It slips off the tongue so easily especially from strangers but it is a question that can hurt deep and easily upset.

Now that my daughter is quickly approaching 4 years old it's one that I have been asked frequently especially over the past year but it isn't a question that I myself personally mind but I have got to the stage in life where I can see how easily it may upset someone else.

There are many reasons that it shouldn't be asked which are:

  1. It is none of your business - true fact.
  2. You never know what is going on behind the scenes, maybe that mother wants another child more than anything else in the world, it is an all-consuming feeling, she lives and breathes for a sibling for her child so much so that it hurts. Every waking thought is about that and when someone asks this question it brings it all to the surface. It may seem like I am talking from personal experience here but not quite, I remember how all consuming wanted a baby was after I had a miscarriage before having my daughter. Just the sight of a pregnant woman or someone pushing a pram made me feel sick, I couldn't bear to look at them every thought I had was about wanting a baby and life wasn't fair.
  3. They may have had such a traumatic birth that they decided that they definitely don't want to go through that again. I know some mothers nearly die in child-birth or it leaves them with life altering changes and who could blame them for not wanting to go through anything like that again. 
  4. The child that they have may have been conceived through IVF, maybe they don't want to go through that again or maybe they want to and they can't afford it, maybe they are trying and it's not working.
  5. Maybe they just feel complete with one child.

My points being is that we don't know what that mother or those parents have been through to have that one child (or children) and that's why I now believe that we should never ask 'when are you having another?'. 

For me personally I couldn't be happier with the one child that I've got and I feel so grateful to have her I couldn't imagine wanting for anything more. I would be perfectly happy if we never have anymore but then again never say never, all's I know right now is that I am not ready for another child and I guess when/if we feel ready for another child then we will discuss it together in private as it should be.

Jodie x 

@wigan_mum

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