The powerful Lion's Mother
Wednesday, 5 June 2019 | Mummy and Little Me
But The Ladies Go Away When I Have A Wee
There are battles I don’t mind fighting.
In fact professionally, when it comes to fighting for what a child needs, I find it easy. I am someone who my LEA knows won’t let a need go unmissed and that they might as well agree with, otherwise I’ll just nag them until they do.
Personally however, I am different.
I dread confrontation and will pretty much do anything to avoid it - especially with those I like and care about.
The Lion’s nursery staff have done a fantastic job with him. It has been a long hard battle to get him through the door without devastation, and keeping calm throughout the morning has been something he has found hard. No more than half. We have now been on this journey for almost a year, and only now can I drop him off and know confidently that screams will not erupt.
The ladies there have worked really hard to get him settled. They have a relationship with him now. And by default us.
That makes them important and therefore really hard to upset.
Yet despite their care for him, they are not Autism specialists, so every day much gets missed.
In their eyes. He is no longer crying. The battle has been won. He no longer needs ‘support.’
What they don’t see is unlike the other children, he always plays alone. If another child approaches him to play or even wants to play beside him, he gets up and moves away.
His interest in what he is doing is not enough to tolerate a child being in proximity.
I itch to ask them to gradually start to build those skills, to help him understand that other children can be fun, that he can join in their games - just like he joins in with those his sister invents.
But instead I watch as they chat to each other, clean tables and ensure children are safe.
Toilet training at nursery has been on a downhill slide for a while, to the point where despite the fact that he has been dry for over six months, we decided putting nappies on would be for the best.
Yesterday his nappy was soaking. When asked why, his answer was simple: “ladies leave me when I wee.” For a child who struggles greatly, being alone at all, even at home, being left in a bathroom means there is no chance toiletting there will improve.
So I know I will have to go into battle.
Kindly yes, but a battle nonetheless.
I will be seen as the awkward parent, the difficult one, the one who expects her child to be treated differently to everyone else.
Quite probably they will see my request as mollycoddling, as wanting to stop him achieving independence.
But the truth is, that in order for him to reach that independence, he will need their support. He will need his journey scaffolding.
In order to achieve independence, he first needs to feel safe.
And as his mum, it is my job to ensure that that happens.