The eve of the Autism Assessment
Thursday, 23 May 2019 | Mummy and Little Me
On The Eve Of Autism Assessment
I sit here tonight on the eve of the Lionís Autism Assessment, knowing that whatever we are told tomorrow I am not ready.
When the Bear was assessed I thought I was ready to know.
No, that is the wrong word. I already knew. But I thought that I was ready to hear.
I didnít realise that deep inside I had been waiting to hear the doctor tell me I was imagining things, to go home, to enjoy my daughter.
I hadnít expected her straightforward diagnosis. I expected to go home, be told to wait and see.
And this time. This time I donít know what I want to hear.
There is no magic wand, no way of delivering the news that your childís life will be harder than they deserve it to be.
No way of telling a parent that there are no answers only questions.
I do not envy the doctor his job.
Because honestly he canít get it right.
If he tells us to go home, to wait, to see. We will be left without answers, with no more idea of how to help our boy then when we walked in.
If he gives us a diagnosis. There will be an answer. But there will also be more questions. Questions which right now no one can answer.
The truth is all I know is this. The Lion is my Lion. My incredible, strong and much loved boy. Whatever is thrown at him over the years, he is a fighter - he has proved that time and time again.
Whatever happens tomorrow, my boy is still the same as he always has been. He will still give the best hugs, he will still repeat episodes of a Fireman Sam to anyone who will listen, and he will still be the best little brother and son any family could ask for.
I am lucky to have him. I know that without doubt.
And maybe, right now that is all I need to know.
My other questions will be answered in time.