The Easter Show
Wednesday, 19 June 2019 | Mummy and Little Me
The Easter Show
A year ago, even six months ago, there is no way we would have even contemplated the Lion being in his nursery Easter show. Not least because the chances are he would have screamed the building down, resoundingly unstoppable. It wouldn’t have been a joy for him - a pleasure. Instead it would have been a traumatic experience guaranteed to result in disaster.
But somehow imperceptibly over the last few weeks things have improved.
Don’t get me wrong, given a choice he would still prefer to stay at home, but the screaming has stopped and the playing (alone at least) has started.
And when we asked him whether he would like to stand on the same stage that he has so often watching his big sister on, he said he would - with a smile so wide that our doubts seemed small in comparison.
Standing there, even entering the room was huge. More than we could have hoped for. An incredible achievement.
I should have been happy.
I was proud, so so proud.
But inside deep in the pit of my stomach there was also pain.
You see, as his classmates - and I choose that word carefully, knowing that he would declare angrily that they are not his friends, slept and hopped to ‘Hop Little Bunny’, he edged closer to his preferred staff member and there he stayed. Sat poised, waiting, unsure.
He had done it. We were proud. His teachers and I. And he was so oh so proud.
And yet, in a way doing so made the gulf more obvious. We were celebrating the achievement, but that did not mean we didn’t notice what still needs to be achieved.
And the truth is I have no idea what this means.
That he can be. That he can enter with his class.
And yet, not participate, despite being capable, oh so capable.
Is that enough? Is that inclusion? Is that what we want? And more importantly is that what he does?
Only time of course would tell, but I would be lying if I didn’t admit it fills me with fear.