Post Natal Depression
Tuesday, 3 October 2017 | Mummy and Little Me
To my partner, this wasn’t how it should have been.
You didn’t really want another baby, did you?
I think you would have been quite happy as parents to one, but never the less here we are two children later.
We went through a lot with our first child, didn’t we?
I wanted to make up for that, I wanted to have what we didn’t get last time.
I imagined us having lazy days in front of the TV feeding the baby with you and Elijah playing on the floor.
I fantasised about us taking long walks and easing into being a mum of two with a smile on my face.
But, it didn’t work like that did it?
It wasn’t how it should have been.
It turned sour.
There was no smile on my face, instead you watched thee tears stream down my face and I tried to get to grips with breastfeeding.
You watched me crumble as I blamed myself for Elijah acting up.
I broke down again and again, and said you were all better off without me.
I scared you, I saw your face when I told you how I really felt.
I told you that I was miserable, that I wanted to leave.
I couldn’t be around them.
That I had post-natal depression again.
It nearly tore us apart the first time, would we survive it the second time?
I felt like one again, I ruined it for you.
That you had yet more pressure piled on top of you.
You were the mum and the dad, working full time, when I was battling my way through each day.
It wasn’t how it was supposed to be.
You were there.
You still are.
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