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Post Natal Depression and me

Wednesday, 3 January 2018  |  Mummy and Little Me

PND and me.

Post-natal depression.

It feels as though as this moment in time those three words define me.

They are all I can think about, they consume me.

I am no longer me, instead I have this crushing weight around my neck.

I have become a burden to those around me, I can see them tip toeing around me and asking in whispers if I am okay.

The thing is, this is an illness, and one that has surprising symptoms.

I never could believe how much it could take over my life.

I want to be honest in hope that someone may get some comfort knowing someone else is also going through this.

Or perhaps it will be a sudden realisation that clicks, that they too may be suffering.

It isn’t just about feeling low, detached, numb even after you have given birth to your baby.

It most certainly is not just the ‘baby blues’.

It is crippling depression, it is not sleeping, it is panic inducing anxiety, overwhelming guilt.

Eating too much, not eating anything at all.

Fearing everything; going out with the baby, meeting friends, you shy away and hide from the world.

It is having such dark thoughts you scare yourself and do not dare utter them outloud.

It is realising that you are not enjoying being a mother and hating yourself for it.

It is needing help but being to afraid to ask for it.

No matter what the stigma it is being honest and getting help, from family, from friends and perhaps from medication.

The knot in your stomach, the rising sickness feeling, the way your heart feels like it will come out of your chest.

This is PND and me.

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