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Is trying to conceive taking over your life?

Tuesday, 17 January 2017  | 

From Eggo to Preggo

#1 The decision

'I want another baby', I uttered the words and then watched to see what Greg's reaction would be.

'Okay', was the response I got and the best thing I was getting to an agreement.

So, there it was a week after Elijah's second birthday we planned to extend our family of three to four.

I promised myself not to get carried away, no OPK kits, no charting ovulation or having a 'baby dance' schedule. Who by the way came up with this phrase? It makes me cringe! I would like to now tell you this lasted and we let things take their natural course. I think like 99% of those trying to get pregnant I went into overdrive. It took 10 months to conceive Elijah and this when I was not on any medication for my thyroid. I didn't expect it to be a quick fix, but still the obsession took over pretty quickly.

After a visit to the GP, to confirm that now I am on thyroid medication it was safe to get pregnant I began taking folic acid. I think at this point Greg may have thought we were taking it a bit too quickly and not long after the ovulation app crept back into our lives. Then a visit to a shop something caught my eye... the OPK kits. I grabbed a handful and some cheap pregnancy tests and that was it. I had baby fever. It had been a few weeks of trying when my period was due, it came I was disappointed but tried to remain positive we could now track my cycle. I mean we really had been trying for just a few weeks and I knew it could take years.

It slowly took over everything I was thinking. Then my thought flickered to what would happen if this baby had a CHD like Elijah? Or worse? Was I irresponsible about bringing another baby into the world after what happened the first time round? Should we be doing this? Should I not be grateful that my baby is now a happy and healthy two year old? But I saw how he looked at babies, or when he played with his little doll and knew I was doing the right thing about trying to give him a sibling.

Of course, in my baby crazy state I rationalised everything yes, we would have enough money after all we still had a lot of Elijah's old things. Yes, I could give birth again and I would be fine even though I haemorrhaged the first time round.That the baby would be healthy and happy and maybe just maybe I could get closure and the birth story I always wanted. That if the baby went into NICU, like before we could get through it.

A couple of weeks ticked on by, we 'danced', (I am cringing writing this by the way) when I thought we were ovulating. Anyone who has done the whole tracking of ovulation will realise that it may be the most unappealing thing ever, and to try and convince your partner to visit the bedroom whilst talking about 'egg whites' will certainly know what I am talking about. The end of October drew near and I remember feeling so tired, this is nothing new with me having a thyroid disease. I also woke up to some bleeding that morning the kind you get just before you normally start your period. I was due on the next day. But, it didn't come, or the next day or the next. By the end of the week I thought I better do a test and there those two infamous lines were.

It was officially after a dozen cheap pregnancy tests, and one more expensive Clear Blue purchase (Greg only takes the word of the Clear Blue Gods). My eggo was most certainly preggo. In just two months I was trying, we were expecting. I was shocked, had we really rushed into this? The anxiety of if the baby would be okay then took over. I was 2-3 weeks pregnant and after a frantic call to the midwife they basically told me to come and see them in 6 weeks there was nothing they could do for me at this developing stage. I freaked out, I felt like I should be being monitored somehow.

A few more weeks went by and I had been getting sicker, and sicker and was slowly getting bigger. Was it right I was showing this early? I convinced myself it was twins and talked Greg into getting us a private scan at 9 weeks! There on the screen was our very small and flat nosed baby, resembling a small Voldemort.

This was now real, we saw the baby, we clutched our pictures on the way home.

The decision we made just a few weeks ago, became a reality.

We were most certainly having another baby.

Would the baby be okay?

Were we ready? We were about to find that out.

 
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