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Is It enough?

Monday, 30 October 2017  | 

Is it enough?

 

 

Why is it we always feel like we should be doing more?

That keeping the small humans we co created alive and surviving a day where you have watched approximately 50 episodes of Fireman Sam we still feel the need to apologise that we haven’t done enough.

The other day when Greg came home I said I hadn’t been able to do anything, the baby was grizzly and I had 2 nursery runs to do. I had put a load of washing in the tumble which was still sitting there forgotten and I had cobbled together some tea. The living room had been hastily tidied and the kids were asleep. He looked at me and said what else should you have been doing? I reeled off the long list of things and he rolled his eyes and said it doesn’t matter, you did fine.

But, I don’t feel fine I feel restless.

Restless that I should be doing more. A lot more.

I should be doing the housework with a baby perched on my hip. Cooking meals and organising educational fun filled family days out. I should be finding the time to work out or write more. I should be taking nice trips to the park with the kids and baking cakes. But I am not, and because of that it makes me feel like I have failed, like I am not doing enough.

We are made to think that by just being a mum, it isn’t enough. We should be working, running the house, going on girls’ nights out and being an all singing and dancing mum. When was the last time you saw a frazzled mum sitting in her PJ’s binging on Netflix with a gripey baby in the media? A mum who has served stuff out the freezer for 3 days straight, and you are beginning to worry you son may turn beige! That you haven’t been anywhere other than Morrisons for a week. When you picked up that baby book did it show overflowing bins, mums living on biscuits and a garden which hasn’t be done in months? No.

We have seen so many images of what motherhood SHOULD look like, what a mother SHOULD look like when it comes to it, real life doesn’t match up and we feel like we have failed. Modern day mothers are expected to have a hand in everything and when we are just mums we are supposed to feel like we need more, because that is what is expected of us.

Right now, I have a three-year-old and a three-month-old, days are chaotic and we have a rough routine. After watching another Paw Patrol DVD and the baby is asleep on me, I feel conflicted. That I should be doing more (I am not sure what exactly, but I know I should be doing it), but also that I know this will not last forever. It seems Elijah has grown up in the blink of an eye and I know it won’t be long before both boys don’t want to sleep on me or need me as much. I know deep down that the washing will still be there tomorrow, that it doesn’t matter if potato waffles are served up again.

I know that after the kids are fed, bathed, cuddled and put to bed I have done my job.

But it doesn’t stop me still feeling like it isn’t enough.

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