Do Children affect your Mental Health?
Thursday, 28 June 2018 | Admin
Why I an unashamed to say I don’t want any children.
It seems as though whether you do or don’t fill your uterus is public knowledge, open for every person on the street and the bus to know, discuss and have an opinion on.
As soon as you have one child and they hit say 6 months, you are suddenly bombarded with questions when you are going to give them a brother or sister.
I have seen friends recently married given a full interrogation of their choice to wait to start a family. Now, after two children and the youngest now approaching his first birthday we are being asked if we will have anymore.
I don’t believe this is any one businesses except mine and my family’s, and I believe everyone has the right to keep this information private if they wish. No one should have to justify the fact they are not ready, or are happy with just one because of the social peer pressure and judgement.
Women who don’t want to have children are called selfish and are too career driven, women who have too many children and stay at home are considered lazy and spongers. These notions to me are so archaic and despite us making great waves in the equality movement we still have a long way to go just between ourselves.
I am not ashamed to say I don’t want any more children.
I have two boys currently under 4 and have to say the last year was one of the hardest of my life. My mental health deteriorated to perhaps the worse it had ever been and it took me 11 months to bond with my child. I didn’t enjoy my pregnancy as I was so distracted with having a potty training toddler. My family is complete as a 4, and that is mine and my partner’s choice no one else’s.
We enjoy the time now the boys are able to play together, that the boys’ tend to generally sleep through the night and they settle with other people. Becoming a parent makes you lose your identity, as a person and as couple we are beginning to get this back and it feels good to do so.
It finally feels as though we are getting the balance back after fighting the war in the new born trenches, I just cannot see us going back to it again, nor can I imagine being pregnant again. This is our decision and one we are happy with and that is what matters.
I will not be made to feel bad for admitting this, I am unsure where societie’s fascination came from with the number of children you are planning or not planning on having. The peer pressure and judgement is rife and even things like having an only child is selfish is an old age argument and untrue.
No one has to justify their choice to anyone, and that’s exactly what it is a choice.
Vicki Cockerill is a NICU/ CHD Mum of two boys, a freelance blogger and social media adviser, Co-Founder of #knackeredandNorwich social club and maternal mental health advocate.