Depression and Coping with it
I was diagnosed with depression years ago when I was going through a hard time and then after months of trying for a baby and going through a miscarriage I then focused my mind on having a baby and I knew that as soon as I held my baby in my arms my depression would immediately disappear. The truth is that sadly it doesn't the hysteria of becoming a mother and having a newborn baby managed to keep wind in my sails for a good while and then I even managed to fool myself for about a year, but 3 years down the line I couldn't fool myself any longer and I knew that something needed to change.
On the outside looking in I had a great life I had a loving husband who went to work while I stayed at home looking after our daughter, I went to different playgroups every weekday and had nice material things, I had it all but then why wasn't I happy?. I was ashamed to admit it even to myself as I knew that people would dream of being in my position, not forced to go back to work after having your first child staying at home with them being there for every milestone even my husband would give anything to swap places so I didn't even admit my feelings to him. I thought that if I admitted it I would seem ungrateful for the life he was providing me with which I wasn't as I knew that I had it good but I also knew deep down that I needed to go back on antidepressant's (I originally weaned off them whilst pregnant).
My Dr told me that even if I was a millionaire that I still wouldn't be 100% happy as the chemical serotonin that makes us happy was unbalanced in my brain, my brain either isn't making enough of it or it's making it in the wrong place so I could have all the money in the world and still not be happy. So I am not ashamed to be back on antidepressant's as some people need them for different reasons.
I have since gone back to work part time now that my daughter is 3.5 and has started nursery, I recently bought a Positive Planner where I keep a daily journal and it's helped me to be more mindful and positive which is good. Overall there is no fooling yourself only you know how you feel and if you feel something is off it's definitely worth a trip to your Dr's to see how they can help, mental health is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.