Coping with a poorly baby
2 CommentsFriday, 31 January 2014 | Mummy and Little Me
Mummy's are like tea bags .... never know how strong you are until your in hot water .!!
Well I've been thinking about writing about Beatrices hospital visit for a little while. Myself being a nurse wasn't prepared for the roller coaster of emotions that I would have, or how unprepared I really was.
The morning of Friday 13th of December was starting off as just a normal day .... However beatrice hadn't had a great night and was coughing a lot with a wet sounding cough . She didn't really have a temperature she just wast right ( mummy intuition ). We did the school run and then walked up to the gp for our appointment. By the time we got into the surgery she didn't look right she seemed to have lost her colour within 30mins. .... I immediately grabbed her from the pram and she just flopped in my arms .... I completely panicked I ran over to the reception in tears and struggling to get my words out and the receptionist team just grabbed the gp walking by and we were shoved into a room. The gp took beatrice who was breathing at this stage and contacted the paediatric emergency dept via phone . She had saturation levels dropping and seemed dehydrated so the gp and nurse calmed me down and sent us to the hospital. Again I wasn't thinking that she was very poorly I just assumed it was the famous virus ??? When we got to the hospital beatrice seemed to pick up and at triage the nurses were happy with her and asked us to move to the cubicle area. Again I was just following instructions thinking that I hadn't bought enough bottles and that I only had the emergency sleep suit in her bag and i hadn't bought lumpy the elephant that stays in her cot ...... then suddenly beatrice went grey I scooped her up and luckily a nurse was walking towards me she saw the complete panic over my face and saw that beatrice was having pauses in her breathing only a few seconds but it felt like I'd lost her ......The nurse grabbed beatrice and the passing consultant and took her to resus. That was when I saw her being worked on cannulating taking bloods lumbar puncture and catheter oxygen and ng tube . I felt so helpless I couldn't help her or even hold her hand I was just watching the drama unfold . My heart was sinking and I had waves of tears dropping on to my face . I think I was screaming inside and I almost could feel my blood running cold. I tried to look at the monitors for some comfort but my knowledge wasn't helping me. I actually ached to hold her and take the pain away but mummy couldn't. I knew I had to get myself together as the consultant had by this stage rang the High dependency unit for the team to come down to support . I couldn't understand what was happening and why . The team arrived and increased her oxygen and explained that beatrice was having pauses In her breathing possibly caused by bronchilosis and that because of her being unable to maintain her saturation she would be nursed on the HDU in a tank first and then if no improvement we would discuss ventilators . I felt my face becoming warm and then wet again from the tears falling onto my cheeks . I couldn't focus or actually take in what was happening and then I started wondering if I'd missed something or if I should of rang an ambulance before the gp, but she didn't seem that bad or really unwell. I was doubting myself and getting more and more upset . That's when my mum arrived and scooped me up and stood with me while my own daughter was being worked on. It's funny what a hug does or did and how some how it just helps .... nobody could help her or me in that resuscitation department we just had to leave her to the professionals and leave our trust in the staff. That's when I realised that I had to be strong and be there for her and be mummy . These tears weren't helping any thing and certainly were not going to change the situation. Hence us being like teabags only realising how strong I was until I was in hot water and I had to be !!!!!.
Once we were stable we were transferred to the dolphin HDU and hooked up to the monitors. Exhausted weary and upset I just sat with Beatrice and promised her the world ......