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Coping with a poorly baby part two

Monday, 3 February 2014  |  Mummy and Little Me

HDU .....
Well I was kind of trying to prepare myself for what was happening to beatrice. However it wasn't working I knew that we had to be on the unit so that beatrice could have closer nursing care and that she would be further monitored, but I was not prepared for how over whelming everything would be. While Beatrice was being connected to various pumps and machines the staff came over and tried to talk me through what was happening and what I should expect . I still couldn't focus or think straight myself. All these monitors and machines for one little lady was unreal. I could feel my blood boiling and felt sick when the doctors were taking blood and cultures from her , but she didn't move or utter a noise, her eyes were just cloudy and she looked tired but I was assured it was because every breath she took was exhausting her hence the need for more support . I manage to hold her hand by putting my hand inside the top of the box but I couldn't cuddle her or hold her or feed her. Even nappy changes were done by the staff so quickly so she had minimal time out of her oxygen box. I didn't really know what to do with myself ...I didn't know where I should sit or stand or what happens or what I could do to help. I just ended up sitting on the recliner chair by her bed staring into a plastic box with Beatrice inside . Every beep or noise made me jump and the monitors were flashing numbers and different colours but I couldn't take any comfort in that as non of it made any sense to me.
That evening I went home to get some bits for myself and packed a few more bits for Bea . I think I was at home a grand total of 50 mins and in that time managed to sort out childcare for the boys pack a bag for us , grab a drink and find lumpy ( the elephant ).
I spent 48 hours by her bed really only leaving to go to shower or use the family room to eat . Once bea had the oxygen she seemed to start to respond to treatment all though she wasn't bottle feeding as it made her work harder so she had her feeds down her NG tube. I had people and obviously the boys coming up to see us and send love but it was a very lonely time ... the staff were very supportive but I just wanted to hold her and sadly that was the only thing we couldn't do .
On the 3rd day beatrice had started to pick up and was taking tiny amounts of feed from a bottle so I was able to help out. As for the last two days I'd been sat with a muslin cloth and a blanket stuffed around my top.and neck so that beatrice would smell my scent on them while I couldn't cuddle her .
This seemed to work a treat :) and by the time the following day came beatrice was settled being swaddled up without the oxygen box but with small.nasal cannula on her face. She was finally improving after her antibiotics , fluids and oxygen therapy . We were then moved onto a general children's ward into a side room which made my heart sing ... I was trying to be positive that the less nurses we needed the better she was !!! . We had to build her feeds up gradually and there had been lots of drama of coughing and spluttering as bea was learning how to feed again which involved me mostly wearing lots of vomit in my clothes and hair . But since I'd been living in the hospital for 4 days now I was dressed in my trackys with my hair in in a sort of messy bun ..... not to be trendy but I'd forgotten to pack my hair brush and have curly hair so a messy bun was my only option . We managed to get home late on day 4 with the understanding of if bea got poorly again we would bring her back to the hospital immediately . I was so happy to bring her home. I honestly thought I had lost her ...... and the first 48 hours felt like weeks the noisy clock that was ticking never seemed to change and days were long and drawn out yet there was no change . Beatrice is definitely on the mend now and is putting on some weight finally . She will not sleep without being swaddled or wrapped up in her aden and anais muslin and she fiddles with the tags on one corner to get her to sleep. Actually she doesn't go anywhere without her muslin but I can cope with that as long as she's happy . Swaddling has proved a massive help for beatrice and obviously helped her settle so if you have never tried it before then I would definitely give it a try !!! Obviously it didn't cure beatrice but it made her feel warm and safe when I couldn't physically do it myself !!!.
We love aden + anais !!!!!!

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