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Anyone with children will identify with this

Friday, 17 June 2016  | 

 

My name is Vicki and I am a judgey mum.

       I was on the bus the other day and there was a mother with a toddler shouting at him, as he wouldn’t sit still and from what I gather take some eye drops before his optician appointment. We have all been there on the bus where our sproglets have legged it down the aisle, or threw a complete tantrum (we once even had a couple move away from us!). But I found myself (mid Instagram stalk) shaking my head at the mother and critizing her in my head shouting at her son. Imagining how I would handle it, that I knew better.

Then I realised what right have I do that? Why did I feel the need to think I was more superior than her and judge how she was acting with let’s not forget HER child? I was slightly shocked at my actions, and it did haunt me the rest of the day. It me got thinking, we have all snapped, and shouted perhaps a bit too loud. We are all sleep deprived, and toddlers do test the patience of a saint. Even after an amazing night’s sleep, three filter coffees and pop tarts for breakfast, I can be fed up by lunchtime with trying to stop Elijah from electrocuting himself, destroying the house or trying to make a break for it whenever he can. Or a personal favourite trying to keep him out of the treat draw from eating an entire packet of 12 Jaffa Cakes. AGAIN.

I didn’t know anything about this lady, I didn’t know her, or what she was like as a parent but I felt the need to judge her. I wonder how many times I have done this. I most certainly did it before I was a mother, but I believe I have a greater understanding and empathy now I am one. But I still judged others, the way they are with their kids, in public, their life styles without knowing a thing about them. I mean there is a kid having a full on tantrum in the supermarket, the mother is shouting, and the other sibling has run off and is pulling things off the shelves.

Yes, I have sympathy for them now we have hit the terrible twos. But something inn us tells us to judge her as a parent without knowing anything about her. Maybe if we didn’t judge others down to their parenting decisions, styles etc. then people wouldn’t be ashamed to admit when they need help, or when they are suffering from PND, or like myself PTSD. When I went to the Doctors, I honestly thought with them wanting to put me on medication they would be calling social services when I left to say I was an unfit mother. Maybe, if we could be a little more understanding, have a bit more empathy we wouldn’t feel the need to berate each other on parenting forums. At the end of the day they are parenting their child their way, they are not expecting you to do the same, nor are they raising your child. So let’s back off each other and support each other as parents!

  • 1. To the breastfeeding and bottle feeding Mamas, are you feeding your child? Yes! Are they thriving? Yes! Then does it matter what you are doing? No!
  • 2. To the co sleeping mamas, and the mamas who moved their child in their own room? Are you all getting a good night sleep? Yes? Then who the hell cares? As long as it isn’t a problem for you then you do what you can to get the glorious night’s sleep we all crave!
  • 3. To the parents who let their little boy play with a doll, and to the parents of the little girl going to ballet and wearing tutus. Are your children happy? Then it doesn’t really matter what they do then does it?
  • 4. To the working mama, and the stay at home mama, do what you need to do but don’t judge others on their decisions. After all this is their lives.
  • 5. To the organic mama, to the mama who just got in and hadn’t had time to make dinner so shoved some chicken nuggets in the oven. Did you give your child tea before bed? Yes?!
  • 6. To the mum of one, and the mum of 7, we are all in this together! Don’t pick on each other just because we have a different number of sproglets. No one has it better off, no one has it worse so let’s just support one another!
  • 7. To the stay at home Dad and the working mum, to the gay dads, the lesbian mums the grandmother bringing up her teenage granddaughter. You are all doing an amazing job, never forget that.
  • 8. To the mum who gave birth naturally, and the to the one who had a c section, you grew and gave birth to a person. You are amazing
  • 9. To the teenage mum going back to school, wanting a career, setting an example for her children, and for the ones who choose to stay at home to home school. You are doing that you think is best for your child, and no one can take that away from you.
  • 10. To the single parents, the married parents, the parents who had a child out of wedlock, as long as you are lovingly raising that child who cares what box you tick on a form.

 

      I have been through more than most as a mother, I have watched my child be hooked up to gods know what and staying NICU for 9 days, I have been by his bedside whilst he recovered from open heart surgery. I am in no means a perfect mother. I do not have the right to judge and just because of what I have been through. It does not make me superior. I am a working mother, a blogging mother and I also study, I sometimes let Elijah eat biscuits for breakfast and we watch far too many DVDs.

My name is Vicki and I am a recovering judgey mum. Currently have been judgement free for 4 days! Instead I try and say one good thing to one parent that I may or may not know every day! In hope that maybe we can turn this culture around and set a good example to our children. As if not where will it end?

Vicki (NICU Mum)

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