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Children's TV isn't what it used to be

Wednesday, 20 July 2016  | 

The many observations I have watching Kids TV.

Whether you have it on all day, limit the time, or just have it as background noise there is no getting away from the thing that seems to take over your house when you have a child. Kids TV! There are only so many DVD’s you can bribe your kid to watch before the inevitable happens, ‘BEEBIES, BEEBIES, BEEBIES’, is repeated again and again until I reach for the remote!

Sometimes it is a pleasant distraction and I can get some work done, or just go to pee without an audience. Sometimes I find myself drawn into it myself and other times I find myself texting other parents with questions such as, ‘Did you know Jake from the Tweenies is Justin Fletcher?’ and that Topsy and Tim are NOT TWINS. I know, mind blown. I sometimes find I plan my day by it, when Mr Tumble comes on you know it is morning snack time, I can cook is lunch time, and any time between Grampa in my pocket and the mornings repeats can be nap time. Okay saying it like this, I may need to get out more.

However, at times, okay I lie, a lot of the time I find myself drawn into the wonderful yet very annoying world of Kids TV and spending way too much time pondering the many observations I have. For example; Why on earth does every child become hypnotised (remember The Demon Headmaster?!) by Mr Tumble? Elijah could sign where to find the spotty bag before he could talk! Silence literally falls on our house when he comes on. Elijah knows nearly all the signs and words as well and gets angry at me when I don’t join in and do it right. Talking of Mr Tumble aka Justin Fletcher (and Jake from the Tweenies^^) why on earth did he make GiggleBiz? How are children under the age of 7 supposed to know the fact it is ‘funny’, is because he is ripping of well-known celebs? They have never heard of Mary Berry!

I often ponder if Tim Burton had anything to do with the making of Sarah and Duck which I very much enjoy. It’s like an emo, alternative kids cartoon. It also taught Elijah to quack. Is it in celebs contracts to have to read a bed time story? There have been some huge people on there The Hoff anyone? James McAvoy? David Tennant? Come on how do they get them to agree to this?! I could write post upon post about this one, but I will keep it brief you’ve all thought it…. What is up with In The Night Garden? I would love to see what went on in the writers meeting I really would. It just does not make sense. I know it is supposed to be based in a ‘dream garden’, but is Iggle Piggle a girl or a boy? I think the relationship between the Tombliboos could make Jeremy Kyle blush! Why does the Ninkynonk seem to shrink and then get bigger. What’s up with the peg people? Why do the blue ones never appear as much? Has Makka Pakka got OCD? See the list could go on and on. Why do they have to remake all of the classics and CGI them? I mean have you seen Bob the Builder recently? Bananas in Pyjamas and poor old Thomas the Tank Engine. Leave them be, I feel the outrage I did when they remade Total Recall and Judge Dredd.

There was none of this malarkey with Tots TV. Peppa Pig is a brat, and her parents give in way to easily. Yet for some unknown reason she has invaded my house, my living room, my bathroom, my kitchen and my cupboards! Elijah can spot a Peppa in any shop from miles away! He could say Peppa Pig before he could say most words! Also I am pretty sure Miss Rabbit is working on some kind of tax fraud scheme? That many jobs?! Is Beyoncé writing these theme tunes why are they all so catchy? I wake up with them in my head, I go to work singing them (A LOT), I sometimes cannot remember to put my bra on yet I can sing all the words to Tree Fu Tom, Go Jetters and Discover and Do! I think I may have to suggest them at this year’s work Xmas karaoke! Just like soaps, me and Greg strangely get emotionally involved, I mean they have just replaced the Captain on Swashbuckle and Greg made me text him how they wrote her out!

This goes for the C Beebies presenters as well! If one hasn’t been on for a while we start envisaging if they are on holiday, got fired or if they ill! I notice they out a lot of male eye candy on, blatantly to cater for the mums! I am a fan of Andy, plus he likes dinosaurs which is always a plus. I literally do not know how they do their jobs, being that happy, that energetic every single day would finish me off. Imagine going in hungover?! Now, I will point out I don’t just let Elijah sit and watch TV all day, we do go out I promise! However, I find it very hard to ignore these questions when they are blasting out every day from about 6.30 AM before I have even had my coffee. I also find myself saying this on a daily basis, ‘they don’t make them like they used to’. They really don’t bring back Funny Bones and Playdays if you ask me!

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